There was a song made a few years back title “I am not my hair” and I didn’t agree with the singer about the song and I still don’t. Because I am my hair and it is my crown and glory. It emphasizes or hides my flaws. My hair, when it is hanging over my left eye makes me feel sexy, at least in my eyes it does.
Right now I am in pickle. I have been natural for going on 4 years and my hair is finally reaching my back and hanging passes my nose when it is stretch. I have not had any creamy crack (creamy crack is perms) in 4 years and I am chemical free. At least my hair is anyway. My body on the other hand is stuffed with 4 different medicines every morning. Now I know the focus is suppose to be on my weight loss and not my hair. But I beg to differ. Especially since the doctor informed me while looking at my extra-large curly afro (it was a wig, but he didn’t know) that hair loss is one of the side effects of the surgery. I touch my large plaits underneath my wig and recoiled as if he had slapped me.
I have co-washed, oiled, massaged, steamed and prepped this hair for last 3 years to get this length and now he is saying there is a possibility it will all come out. Now I know my friends who know me in the real world are looking at my blog and saying “really Tracy, you know you wear wigs everyday” and I do. But I was waiting until my hair had grown to the desire length so I could wear it natural without having to worry about it shrinking right back down to my scalp. My crown and glory loves to revert back to it natural stage which is as close to my scalp as it can lie.
I was discussing my hair this morning with the hubby and he thought it was funny that I was even worrying about my hair coming out. Now I know most men don’t really care about hair. Especially mine, he will just go in the bathroom and shave every hair that has grown on his head and face that week and shave it right off.
I do believe that when you go natural you must have the confidence, to wear the short hair and know you are fine just the way GOD made you. But not me…I have had problems with my confidence and my weight has only made it worse. There was no way possible that I would ever venture outside with my basketball shape head with a tiny weenie afro. I just couldn’t rock it. I would feel as if everyone was staring at me and laughing. I am working on that confidence thing daily and I feel like my weight loss will also help with that. But going outside in the public with my big old head rocking a bald head it not for me. For now as I have discussed in a previous post. I have to decide if I am going to get it dreaded or sisterlock so I will not lose any hair. Because I am still going to have surgery no matter what. If I don’t get dreads…I will just wig it out for the rest of my life. LOl
Love, Peace and Happiness,
Have a blessed night.