Tag Archive | self esteem

My little fat tree trunks

Good Morning beautiful people!! I got something to share…that’s funny but really relative to learning to love yourself after weight loss surgery.  As you all know I am a self proclaimed fashionista.. I love to shop and I may be just a tiny bit addicted to shopping for the new improved Tracy.  My new focus is Lane Bryant and Catherine’s stores wide shoes.  Everytime they add some new shoes my big butt be on it.  Trying new high heels and crap like I am a pro.  Well they posted these new bad boys on their site and I had to get them.


Now I know some of you are old high heel steppers are looking  at these bad boys and are saying “look at that little heel.”   Well this heel is 4.75, which is really high for me.  With that being said ….I hate the fact that Lane Bryant don’t sell their shoes in their  store anymore and you have to order online.  Because for me….shoes are one thing that I need to try on and walk in before I purchase.  I got to make sure they don’t rub the corn and if my little fat feet can get them on.

  Nevertheless when I finally  received my order I put the box in the trunk of my car and forgot about it until I got to work the next day.  Well as soon as I got to the office I pull those bad boys out to try them on in my office. Now here comes the real test which I failed.   First problem was I couldn’t buckle the shoe on the side because my tree trunks had swollen up again.  Second problem was because my tree trunks was swollen the middle strap across the top of the shoe buckle up…. Like it was fighting my fat.  Here a picture to see for yourself.Now here is the funny thing…I couldn’t walk in these bad boys…I wobble, doing the lean to the side walk and holding on to everything. My coworkers was crying laughing at me.  I kept trying to push my knee back so I could stand up straight and the knees kept buckling.  I couldn’t do my sexy chocolate walk at all.  I almost fell several times so I just threw my hands up in defeat because the dang shoes won. I thought wedges was the easiest type of high heels shoe you can wear.  Boy was I wrong and I was taking them back to get a refund.  With that being said… Some shoes and some clothing is not designed for everybody.  I personally can’t wear what everybody else wears.   Now that’s my opinion about myself, so don’t take it personally…. DO YOU BOO!  But me on the other hand I have  several friends that will say to me real quick….”No, Tracy that’s not working take that back to the store.”  like these shoes and I listen. 

Love, peace and Happiness!


Ps.  Lane Bryant or Catherine’s are not paying me to say this.

You got to love you!

Good morning beautiful people!!! I want to discuss body image.   I know I am not the only one who will walk by something that shows your reflection  and think dang I am still fat.  You will notice your flabby arms, thick thighs and big gut and wonder why everybody keep saying you are melting away.   Because all you see is your former fat self.   Here is the thing that we got to remember is that…. the mind is deceiving YOU!   YOU have lost a significant about of weight.  YOU are making good food choices!  YOU got a lot to be proud of!  Body image can derail any weight loss goal.

However all you got to do is remember this phrase protein first.  I never understood this until later after my surgery how important this phrase was.  Protein first is a phase that everybody who ever had gastric bypass surgery needs to post on their refrigerator. Hang it in your bathroom, hang it from your stove, or it in the cabinet doors… So when you open the door you see it.   Make a bracelet, put it in your car, put it in your office refrigerator.  Shoot  put in on your home screen of your cell phone and lap top.  When you keep seeing this phrase everytime you go to eat anything you can control your eating  habits.  Unless you are over eating and stretching that pouch which will lead to weight gain.

What we have to understand is that protein is a nutrient that helps us feel fuller, longer. If we include proteins in each of our meals or healthy snacks, we’re less likely to feel hungry when it’s not time to eat.

I know you are wondering  what can I do to be effective to ensure that I lose and maintain my weight loss.  In my opinion the number one rule is to eat protein rich foods first. See here is the thing after  surgery, your body will need adequate protein to help build, repair, and maintain muscle tissue and organs. Protein deficiency can occur over an extended period of time which can cause fatigue, hair loss, and muscle wasting.   I remember when I was about three months out after my RNY gastric bypass… My fingernails were so soft and brittle I could barely stratch  myself. Then my big dumb self tried to cover them up with fake nails.  Omg… That hurt so bad it was crazy.   I hurried up and bought Boltin.  Then my hair started falling out also…. Talk about going thru.  That was a really hard period to go thru but I made it thru.  The hair issue was not so bad for me because I love wigs.
Just remember Proteins are one of the essential building blocks of the human body and you need them.

The next time you walk by something that shows your reflection.. Say to yourself.  I look good, and I am doing good therefore I am good! 😊  You got to encourage yourself!! Because you are your biggest motivator.  Love the skin you are in.  Because you could still be that former you.

Peace, Happiness and Love!!


Accepting the new me..142 pounds weight loss


Hello beautiful people! I want to talk about something that I had to deal with during this weight loss.  One of my major issues in my life has been my self esteem.

Now what I am about to say is my own personal experiences and opinions. In our culture the light skin versus the dark skin……or the good hair versus the nappy hair was really prevalence.  Now you have to remember I was teenager during the 80’s when the movie by “School Daze”, by Spike Lee came out. I was really able to relate to this movie, because I always felt like the dark skinned girl with the short coarse hair.  I can remember being called fat, ugly and bald by other kids even some family members at times.  A family member can break your self esteem worse than anything.  Because this is someone you love. Because of my insecurity I believe that without a shadow of doubt this affected me for years and my self esteem suffered severely.   It seemed that self esteem has always been a major problem with me.  I have discussed this in previous  posts.  However I never explained how it really affected me.  Now fast forward to 20 years later and weighing in at 340 pounds.  Can you see how my self esteem had gotten worse? It took for me to start losing weight to finally see that God don’t make mistakes and that I am beautiful inside and out.  There are still times that I will still look in the mirror and see Cecily from The Color Purple. However it is has greatly improved with time. Especially with all the good attention my weight loss attracts now.

One thing I found surprising was men have self esteem issues also.  I have a friend who is a guy and he discussed self esteem issues because he was the darkest one in his family and did not have lighter eyes or skin like his siblings. He really was hurt by this.  Which seen surprising because you don’t usually see this in men. But self esteem issues do not discriminate.

I realize that weight loss does increases one’s self esteem and make someone feel like a new person.  We have to realize that we were beautiful when we were overweight we just never accepted it.  Society has made us think that darker and heavier individuals feel like we not pretty and are ugly.  But we have to remember that God don’t make any mistakes whether we are big, small, dark, skinny, tall, light, white, bright.  Whatever you feel like is your shortcoming. Just know that you are beautiful however you look and God don’t make any mistakes.

My second chance at life


Well your girl has been really busy and I have been neglecting my blog. However I am back.  Currently I am weighing in at 210 pounds, a lost of 127 pounds.
One of the things I wanted to discussed was all of the changes I have undergone since I have had my surgery in July of 2014.
One of the major problems I was having after my surgery was vomiting.  Every time I eat something that Shelly the Belly didn’t like I was throwing up.  Now seven months later I am not having this problem. I do believe that the last time I threw up was over month ago. I do get nauseated at times after eating something that Shelly don’t like but overall everything is proceeding really well.
One of other things I am having issues with is my nails and hair.  They are both brittle and not growing. I am taking Botin to help with this.  My hair I can hide with wigs and weaves.  But my nails are killing me.  They are so soft and thin. It is taking some time to get use to but I am doing it. I am using nail hardened to help with making then stronger.
Nevertheless this is one journey I will never regret because it gave me another chance at my life, and I feel like a new person.  All I can say is God I see you working!!

Love, Pease and Happiness!
Ms. Tracy



Weight loss surgery and losing my hair


There was a song made a few years back title “I am not my hair” and I didn’t agree with the singer about the song and I still don’t.   Because I am my hair and it is my crown and glory.  It emphasizes or hides my flaws.  My hair, when it is hanging over my left eye makes me feel sexy, at least in my eyes it does.

Right now I am in pickle.  I have been natural for going on 4 years and my hair is finally reaching my back and hanging passes my nose when it is stretch.   I have not had any creamy crack (creamy crack is perms) in 4 years and I am chemical free.  At least my hair is anyway.  My body on the other hand is stuffed with 4 different medicines every morning.  Now I know the focus is suppose to be on my weight loss and not my hair.   But I beg to differ.  Especially since the doctor informed me while looking at my extra-large curly afro (it was a wig, but he didn’t know) that hair loss is one of the side effects of the surgery. I touch my large plaits underneath my wig and recoiled as if he had slapped me.

I have co-washed, oiled, massaged, steamed and prepped this hair for last 3 years to get this length and now he is saying there is a possibility it will all come out.   Now I know my friends who know me in the real world are looking at my blog and saying “really Tracy,  you know you wear wigs everyday” and I do.  But I was waiting until my hair had grown to the desire length so I could wear it natural without having to worry about it shrinking right back down to my scalp.  My crown and glory loves to revert back to it natural stage which is as close to my scalp as it can lie.

I was discussing my hair this morning with the hubby and he thought it was funny that I was even worrying about my hair coming out.  Now I know most men don’t really care about hair.  Especially mine, he will just go in the bathroom and shave every hair that has grown on his head and face that week and shave it right off.

I do believe that when you go natural you must have the confidence, to wear the short hair and know you are fine just the way GOD made you.  But not me…I have had problems with my confidence and my weight has only made it worse.   There was no way possible that I would ever venture outside with my basketball shape head with a tiny weenie afro.  I just couldn’t rock it.   I would feel as if everyone was staring at me and laughing.   I am working on that confidence thing daily and I feel like my weight loss will also help with that.   But going outside in the public with my big old head rocking a bald head it not for me.  For now as I have discussed in a previous post.  I have to decide if I am going to get it dreaded or sisterlock so I will not lose any hair. Because I am still going to have surgery no matter what.  If I don’t get dreads…I will just wig it out for the rest of my life.   LOl

Love, Peace and Happiness,

Have a blessed night.

Ms. Tracy